The Middle Earth Olympics
by Arramiel Greenleaf
Summary: The members of the fellowship get togther to compete for whos the best member of the fellowship...even if they have to strip to do it!!!
1. Default Chapter

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Middle Earth Olympics!!! I am your host for tonight's events, Bilbo Baggins!! Ah, here come the judges!!  
  
(Arwen Evenstar, Rosie Cotton, Lord Elrond, Sauruman, and Gollum enter the arena and take their seats)  
  
And now lets get started with the first event.the jump rope competition!! And now here come the competitors!!!  
  
(Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin enter the arena)  
  
Each hobbit will have 1 minute to do a nice routine for the judges. Frodo.u go first.  
  
Frodo steps out into the middle of the arena carrying his golden jump rope with little gold rings on the ends. Music blares from the speakers and "I'm too sexy for my feet " begins to play. After a moment of jumping Frodo's foott gets caught on his rope. He crashes to the ground as the entire stadium burts into laughter. In a desperate attempt to redeem himself he tears off her shirt and spins it wildly above his head! The crowd bursts into high pitched shrieks as girls come flooding towards the arena floor.  
  
Ok ummm Frodo that's enough!! Bilbo shrieks ushering Frodo away from the approaching crowd.  
  
Ok lets hear from the judges.  
  
Arwen, holding back a girlish giggle holds up a sign revealing a number 9. Rosie qite disgusted holds up a 6. Lord Elrond trying to contain his laughter holds his sign up revealing an 8 "What.it was creative!!" Saruman seems completely uninterested and holds up an up side down number 5 while gollum sits hissing. "ooooo niiiiccccceeee mmyyyyy prrreeeeccccioooooussssssssssssss!" and finally holds up a number 7.  
  
Next, Sam enters the stadium. "Tiptoe thorugh the tulips" begins to play Sam realizes he has forgotten his jump rope. Realizing he has no other choice he runs over to the judges booth and grabs gollum. He then proceeds to use gollum as his jump rope.  
  
Put meeeee downs evvvvvvviiillllllll hoobbbbitttsssss!!!  
  
Sam continues his routine nicely with a few little rope tricks as well. He exits the arena leaving gollum in a heap like a pretzel  
  
Well ummm that was a, unique.back to the judges.  
  
Arwen smiles and flashes up another 9 "I hate that lame ass gollum!!Go Sam!!" Rosie holds up a 10 (people giving her weird looks) .. "What? I don't thank Sam is sexy!!.oops." Elrond holds up a 9 obviously entertained by gollums state. Saruman holds up his empty bag of potato chips. And well I don't think we will be hearing from gollum at the moment so on to the next contestant!!!  
  
Pippin comes running out on stage excitedly with Merry.  
  
"Ummm Merry.its not your turn yet!!"  
  
"Well Pip and I r doin a routine together!"  
  
"Fool of a Took.that's cheating!!!" bellows a voice  
  
Ignoring the comments Pippin cues the music. "Cheese Burger In Paradies" blares through the stadium. Merry and Pippin begin their routine but they have no jump rope either. Instead they seem to be taking Frodo's idea and being to strip!!! The crowed goes wild!!! Pippin flings his suspenders at people into the audience where a girl named Aly tackles the woman next to her for Pippin's pants!!! Eventually Pippin and Merry r left running around the arena in their briefs that look remarkably like speedos!!!  
  
Bilbo rushes into the arena. "Ok well I think its time for a commercial!!!"  
  
Check back soon for the next event!!! 


	2. The Limbo

"Well welcome back to the second event of the middle earth Olympics. The last event got a little ummm. nevermind . On to the next event. The limbo!!!" exclaims Bilbo. "O and we have received word.Gollum will not be rejoining us and so his place is being taken by Mr. Nazgul. Ah, and here come our contestants!!!"  
  
Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and Gimli enter the arena. A random girl in the audience shouts something about Legolas' and his sexy.  
  
" Ok well pretty simple. U go under the bar, we move it down , last one up wins. O and can we keep the striping to a minimum?"  
  
The music begins to play as Gimli walks right under the bar without even ducking.  
  
Arwen thinking to herself. "Damn.that evil little dwarf is gonna beat my man.hmm.not if I have anything to do with it!!"  
  
Boromir, Aragorn, and Legolas each takes their turns. The bar is lowered and Gimli is about to take his second turn. As he is just about to clear the bar he is suddenly distracted by something out of the corner of his eye. Realizing what Arwen just flashed him he loses his balance and falls to the ground. Not caring he runs to the judges booth expecting Arwen to fall for him.instead she smacks him in the face.  
  
"EWWW you pervy dwarf get away from me!!!"  
  
Realizing he has been played security is forced to remove the homicidal Gimil off the premeces.  
  
It is now down to Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas. The bar moves lower and lower. Boromir is about to take his turn but paused when he hears a slight beeping sound. He realizes it is the alarm on his watch.  
  
"Damn!!! I am missing "Passions"!!!" he cries as he bolts out of the arena.  
  
Legolas and Aragorn stare at each other blankly for a moment. Then back to the game. The bar continues to sink. Aragorn is just about under the bar when he hears a horrible shriek!!!!  
  
"EEEEEEEE!!!!" cries Legolas.. "I boke a nail!!!"  
  
Aragorn falls to the floor distracted.  
  
"O no.just kidding" grins Legolas!!!  
  
Aragorn leaps off the floor in a rage.  
  
"Why you prissy little elf!!!! Get you stupid little tights over here!!!" He bellows with rage. Legolas turns and runs in fear closely persued by Aragorn with Anduril held tightly in his grasp. Wild shrieks can be heard as the chase continues.  
  
" O dammit!!" cries Bilbo.. "I need holiday!!!"  
  
Next Event coming soon. 


	3. Partner Competition

(Bilbo stumbles into the arena for the third event.obviously drunk)  
  
"Well.HICK.its. HICK .time for the.HICK.next event!!!! Each member will do.HICK. a routine as a .HICK.pair!! Let.HICK.the games begin! HICK!!"  
  
The audience sits patently waiting as music begins to play over the speakers. Merry and Pippin come running in the stadium each dressed in little cheerleading skirts with a letter H on the shirt, and sporting cute little green pom poms!! Pippin bursts into a series of high kicks while Merry does cart wheels up front. Pippin flings is arms into the air and starts cheering.  
  
"Give me an M! Give me a U! Give me an S! Give me an H! Give me an R! Give an O! Give me an O! Give me an M! Give me an S! Give me MUSHROOMS!!!!!!"  
  
Merry continues his cart -wheels as Pippin repeats his cheer. Then Merry stops and lifts Pippin up onto his shoulders. He throws Pip into the air and he flips backwards and lands on the judges table where he begins a series of more high kicks while merry runs mad through the arena screaming "We're number one!" Pippin continues his dance and nearly kicks Arwen right in the mouth!! She lunges at him to smack him but Elrond holds her back. Sensing the danger Pippin leaps off the table and joins Merry for their final bow.  
  
Time for the judging! Arwen with a sour look on her face holds up a 6..muttering to herself about an attempt on her life. Rosie gives a 9. Arwen mutters about how she was just tryin to impress Sam. Elrond sits pondering seeming slightly disturbed most likely from the high kicks performed right above his head. Finally with a grimace he holds up a 7. Saruman has fallen asleep but Mr. Nazgul seems to be quite entertained as he holds up a 10 and hisses about more high kicks.  
  
Merry and Pippin exit as Legolas and Aragorn enter. Each is wearing a sequin costume and is carrying a microphone. Music begins to play and the pair bursts into song.  
  
"Macho Macho Man!!!!" " I want to be a Macho man!!!"  
  
Saruman finally seems to be awake interested in the irony of their song choice. "Get off the stage you stupid dress-wearing elf nancing around in his pretty boy tights!!!"  
  
Outraged Legolas grabs his bow and arrow which he so conveniently has with him and takes a shot at Saruman. But Saruman moves and is only hit in the shoulder. "Ha! I am still alive!!!"  
  
"Damn"  
  
Legolas and Aragorn r rushed off stage as the extremely pissed Saruman threatens to kill them all with his mind.  
  
Frodo and Sam enter the stadium. Sam is wearing a pink dress and Frodo is in a black shirt and pants. The song "Time of My Life" from Dirty Dancing begins to play. Sam and Frodo do their little Dirty Dancing rendition . Things seem to be going smoothly until the reach the lift. Frodo stands a few feet away. Sam comes running towards him and leaps up into Frodo's arms but Frodo falls backwards Sam landing on top of him.  
  
"Ouch , I think he's broken something!" shouts Merry from behind the judges booth.  
  
Frdo and Sam exit the stadium on stretchers.  
  
Last, Boromir, Gandalf, and Gimli enter the arena. A large pool is moved on stage. The three take off their robes revealing their swim suits. Each member enters the pool for their synchronized swimming. They dive down deep and then re surface feet first making light leg movements. They spin in circles for a while. Gimli is slightly off pace with the others, and continues to slip further behind. Eventually he is juts totally lost and Bilbo suggests he leave the pool so as not to distract the two who do know what they r doing. Gimil refuses. Bilbo threatens to send someone in to get him.  
  
"Let them come! There is one dwarf in these Olympics that still draws blood!"  
  
Gandalf and Boromir are completely oblivious that Gimli has even stopped. Still doing their performance, Boromir kicks Gimli in the face. Gimli grabs his axe and goes for Boromir. Realizing his peril he leaps out of the pool and shouts like a little girl Gandalf tries to follow but can not run fast as his trunks r too big and he fears the may fall down.  
  
Merry and Pippin come running out and attack Gimli with their pom poms as all havoc breaks loose.  
  
To be continued.. 


	4. Backstage

TV reporter: Ok, well we r here back stage at the Middle Earth Olympics for some live coverage of the contestants backstage. Let's see what's going on shall we.  
  
"Ok that's it!!!! I swear if one my person uses my face wash I will shoot you all!!!" cries Legolas in a rage holding a half empty bottle of rose scented face wash.  
  
"Oh stop being so prissy.take it like a man!!! I don't use any of the fruity face crap and look at me!! Get over it!! Show some of your masculinity.wait what masculinity?" sneers Aragorn.  
  
"Oh, both of you be quiet!!! I used your damn face wash!! What r u gonna do about it? Now can it both of u before I have to turn u all into something most unnatural!!" growls Gandalf.  
  
Sensing the growing tension in the room Pippin decides to change the subject.  
  
"Anyone know when Sam and Frodo r gettin back from the ER?" he asks  
  
"Who cares.they r probably off flirtin with the doctors or something!! Quite wrong if u ask me!! I mean what makes doctors so great anyway, I mean I am way better than any of those doctors and no one pays attention to me and.."  
  
"BOROMIR!!!!! CAN IT!!!!"shouts Aragorn."aren't you supposed to die soon anyway!!!"  
  
"Yea I am sure there r some nice ocrs round here somewhere just waiting to shoot you full of arrows.go find one!!" adds Gimli.  
  
"Oh look theres Sam and Frodo.they don't look too badly hurt!!" exclaims Pippin.  
  
Frodo and Sam enter each wearing a neck brace and several casts. Frodo still wears the tiny gold ring around his neck.  
  
Boromir suddenly has a strange gleam in his eyes that makes everyone a little uneasy. They all kow hes about to take the ring.  
  
"well.I think we all have somewhere we need to be don't we?" said aragon leaving the room. The others begin to follow.  
  
"Wait! No! You can't leave me alone with Boromir.haven't you seen lord of the rings.don't u know he is gonna try to take the ring!!!" cries Frodo desperately.  
  
"Wait, Sam!! You want to stay with me.."don't u leave him Samwise Gamgee!!" Remember!!!" Frodo cries.  
  
"Nope gotta run.c ya Boromir.have fun. O hey Frodo good luck with that whole ring thing!!" says Sam as he leaves the room.  
  
It is now just Frodo and Boromir.  
  
"So I guess its just us now huh." Says Frodo uneasily. "Wanna play monopoly?" he asks with hope.  
  
"What the hell.sure!"  
  
The two begin a nice calm game of monopoly. Boromir has a few random colors and had purchased Park Place. Frodo takes his turn.  
  
"HA!! Boardwalk!! So need to buy that!!!" laughs Frodo as he buys Boardwalk.  
  
Boromir is overcome with rage.  
  
"That should have been mine save my unhappy chance!! It should be mine!! Give it to me!!!!" he shouts as he lunges over the table at Frodo shouting continually "Give it to me give it to me!!!!!"  
  
"No!!" shouts Frodo as he runs off.  
  
"Wait Mr.Frodo I am coming with you!!!" shouts Boromir  
  
"No, Boromir, I am going to the bathroom alone!!!"  
  
"Of course you are.and I'm coming with you!!" shouts Boromir.  
  
Aragorn comes rushing out..." Ok Boromir now that's just wrong!!! Seek help your disturbed psycho!!!" " Besides aren't u supposed to be full of arrows by now I mean gosh get with the program here!" He takes out his bow and shoots a few arrows at Boromir."there that's better"  
  
"I'm ok though really I am!!! Don't worry I'll be fine!!!" exclaims Boromir  
  
"Damn.y wont you die already!!!" 


	5. The Pie Eating Contest

(Bilbo enters the stadium once more)  
  
Ok we're back with the 4th event!! In this round each of our nine contestants will compete against each other for a five minute pie eating contest!! The winner will have points added to their scores from their previous events.  
  
( A long table is rolled into the arena followed by the nine fellowship members..including Boromir who still had a large collection of arrows imbedded in his body. The members sit down and wait for their cue to begin.)  
  
The sound of a loud whistle blows to signal the start of the contest.  
  
Pippin, Merry, Sam , and Frodo slam their faces down into their pies their faces now covered with blueberry goo.  
  
Suddenly there is a shriek as a girl with long black hair named Rachel comes running out onto the field. She lets out another girlish squeal as she approaches Frodo. She grabs him and pulls his face out of the pie. She turns his head and starts kissing him right in the middle of the competition. Every one could plainly see there was some major tongue action going on.  
  
"Frodo! What about the game?" exclaims Sam in between chews.  
  
Frodo looks at the pie, then takes another look back at the girl who is now lightly licking the blueberry from her lips. He turns to Sam. "See ya!" as he grabs the girls hand and they run out of the stadium.  
  
The others continue the game. Legolas is slowly and daintily chewing his pie. While the others have already completed a whole pie, he has only taken a few bites.  
  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!" he cries!! "Do you know how long its gonna take to get blueberry stains out of my gorgeous blond hair!!!"  
  
"O suck it up!" cries Boromir  
  
Legolas takes out his yet again conveniently located bow and shoots another arrow at Boromir.  
  
"Ouch you pathetic little playboy wanna be!!!" "Have no fear though, I am ok!!!" he cries.  
  
Legolas abandons the game and rushes off crying about how he must go condition his hair!  
  
The games goes on and the clock is down to 2 minutes. Pippin, Aragorn and Gandalf are each up to 5 pies, while Merry and Sam trail slightly with 4. Gimli has given up and has resulted to throwing pies wildly at Boromir.  
  
"Ha! Now you see the hospitality of the dwarves!" Gimli exclaims.  
  
"Aragorn I need some of your pies, give Gondor the weapon of the enemy so that I might use it against him!" Boromir shouts.  
  
"No, the pies must be destroyed, so do not distract me!" Aragorn explains.  
  
Merry realizes he is not going to win so stops to make a comment to Boromir. "There's a fridge backstage with more pies in it.y don't you go there and get some!" he suggests.  
  
"You fool! One does not simply walk backstage! Its black doors are guarded by more than just guards.there is evil there that does not sleep and the great eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland riddled with fire and ash and dust. Plus elf boy is back there washing his hair!!!" Boromir exclaims!  
  
Another whistle blows.  
  
Well that's it!! Looks like Pippin is our winner this round!" Exclaims Bilbo  
  
"Yay I'm king of the shire!!!" Pippin cheers happily.  
  
"Now u all receive a nice little ribbon for trying though. Will someone take the ribbons to Frodo and Legolas?" asks Bilbo. The group begins to argue about who will take the ribbons.  
  
"I will take it! I will take it! I will take the ribbon to Frodo!" exclaims Sam " Though I do not know the way."  
  
"I will help you bear this burden Samwise Gamgee as long as it is yours to bear.  
  
"If by my life or death I can protect you. I will.you have my sword.  
  
"And my axe!"  
  
"You carry the fate of us all little one.but if this is indeed the will of the announcer.then Gondor will see it done."  
  
"And yea duh Pip and I'll come too!!"  
  
" so you shall be the fellowship of the ribbons!!!"  
  
check back soon as they go on their quest to give out the ribbons.and then start the next round. 


	6. The Egg Race

"Hi and welcome to our next event. This event requires the contestants be divided into two groups. Since there will be an uneven number, one player must go twice. Are you ready for the most heated event yet!?!?! Its time for the egg on a spoon race!!! Each player must carry an egg on a spoon , while the spoon is in their mouth, from one end of the course to the other. If the egg is dropped you may not pick it up with your hands. Ok well lets meet our two teams. On the team Elendil we have Aragorn, Merry, Sam, and Gimli. And on the team Numenor we have Legolas, Frodo, Pippin, Boromir(still shot full of arrows), and Gandalf. Ok everyone take your places and prepare to begin!"  
  
Each team takes its place on the field. Merry is up first for his team while Pippin is up first for his. A whistle blows signaling the start of the race. Merry dashes off in a hurry a few steps ahead of Pippin. Merry seems quite confident that he is now sure to beat Pippin, so he turns to his team to flash them a quick thumbs up.  
  
"You fool! You draw far too much attention to yourself Mr. Brandybuck!!" exclaims Aragorn, annoyed at Merry's casual take on the competition.  
  
Merry turns to continue only to see that Pippin has actually overtaken him!! In a hurry he surges forward but his speed causes the egg to shake violently on the spoon and topple off onto the ground. His team begins shouting violently at him to hurry and pick it up with the spoon. Merry kneels close to the ground and desperately tires to pick up the spoon. His team continues to bellow at him.  
  
"Hey I'm tryin here what do u want!!!!" he exclaims removing the spoon from my mouth.  
  
"A little more caution from you!" Aragorn exclaims but Merry is no longer paying attention, he has returned to the game and finally managed to retrieve the egg.  
  
Pippin has already reached the end of the field and is on his way back down the field towards his team. Each of the two continues their turn without much occurring. Pippin reached his team first and passes the spoon off to Boromir. Merry has managed to make good time and arrives back to his team only a few steps behind Pippin. He hands off the spoon to Aragorn. Aragorn and Boromir are just about neck and neck. They manage to mumble to each other while griting their teeth to hold the spoon.  
  
"We are doomed to loose, just look how our luck has been so far!" says Aragorn.  
  
"Why do you fear the past? You are on Merry's team, not Merry himself." Explains Boromir.  
  
Aragorn goes off a few steps and is now ahead of Boromir who becomes quite irritated with this. So he too surges forth with a burst of speed. Each of the two continues to do this their entire turn. Boromor reaches his team a second after Aragorn reaches his.  
  
"I want to go again!" declares Boromir. "Boromir! Boromir! Give the egg to Frodo!" says Gandalf sternly.  
  
With a disappointed look on his face he hands over the egg. "As you wish, I care not!" then he goes to the end of the line to pout.  
  
"Frodo you must hurry, we are far behind!" says Gandalf. Frodo looks up at him with worry.  
  
"What must I do?"  
  
"Play dirty! Trip him if u have to!" laughs Pippin.  
  
Frodo dashes out already many steps behind Sam. He hurries as fast as he can and seems to be catching up. Sam seems to be going very slow for fear of tripping. Frodo continues to shorten the distance between himself and Sam. At last he is even with Sam. He sticks out one foot and Sam goes flying over it onto the ground.  
  
Frodo hurries past him and doesn't look back.  
  
"Run Frodo run!" exclaims Pippin excitedly from the line. Frodo is quite excited as he now feels certain he is to beat Sam, but just then he looses his balance and goes flying to the ground. He looks up just in time to see Sam passing him.  
  
By the time Frodo recovers, and reaches the end Sam is already half way back. He reaches his team and hands the egg to Legolas.  
  
"Well that didn't go to well." Says Pippin. "Yet he came so far, and even fell and didn't drop the egg"  
  
"It is a burden he should never have had to bear. We can ask no more of Frodo!" says Gandalf.  
  
Legolas, being an elf and all, has managed to pass Gimli, and leave him far behind. He hurries and finishes his turn with no problems. He gives the egg to Gandalf.  
  
"Be careful. I do not trust them. A shadow and a threat is growing in my mind!" exclaims Legolas  
  
"O can it Legolas! U always have a threat growing in your mind!" sneers Aragorn from the other line as he awaits Gimli's return.  
  
Gandalf is many steps ahead when Aragorn goes out for the second time on his team. Aragorn rushes to try to catch up.  
  
"You shall not pass!"screeches Gandalf. But then Gandalf trips and falls.  
  
"GANDALF!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" cries Frodo.  
  
"Gandalf quickly stands up and is now a step or two behind Aragorn.  
  
"We are going to lose!!! It has been long since we had any hope!" cries Boromir  
  
:I wish these eggs had never come to us! I wish none of this had happened!"exclaims Frodo.  
  
Much to their surprise Gandalf maganed to overtake Aragorn and is now only steps from the finish line. He finishes the race and beats Aragorn!  
  
"Aragorn. We have failed!" says Gimli with dispair.  
  
"No, not if we hold true to each other. We will not let them gloat! Not while we have strength left!" says Aragorn optimistically. He takes his egg and belts it at Frodo.  
  
"Hey! You swore to protect me!" cries Frodo.  
  
"Yea, so.I lied!"  
  
to be continued. 


End file.
